ILLUSION

(For CHL)

I

elusive as the illusion of you

if I wake and find you gone

or find you were never here

I would not be surprised

elusive like some exercise of the mind

 

I wind down slowly

like a loose wound clock

in my fifty eighth year

 

am I to find or do I expect

you will simply take fright

or flight

a bird chases the cat tattoo on your back

 

too late for you to really go

now

 

II

 

out on the weathered pier

thrusting into the stillness of the lake

the timber grey weathered

split and splintering

the effect shambolic

like Bill’s homemade crab traps

lying around in disrepair

 

the lake before us

boats as water insects in the distance

fishermen returning

pelicans sweeping

for the guts and cast offs

the water grey yet slick and shiny

you lying down beside me

 

we watch the figure watching us

solitary black owning the place

a tree stump surely

shame swamps us

like the first couple

as the boat moves towards us

and the sentinel disapproves

your breast in my mouth

my cock hardening

 

he watches and disappears

the boat zig zags

we return to the house to fuck

 

III

 

both of you

a generation apart

bounce on the trampoline

shrieking and grinning ear to ear

like conspirators

clutching at your skirts

to stop showing your knickers

to her father and your lover

 

IV

 

and the moment you misheard

my “Hello you” as “I love you”

your alarmed interrogation

punctuating the intimacy of our bodies

entwined and naked on the floor

“What did you just say”

as if to love you too soon

was the gravest sin

 

V

 

as elusive as the best sex

my cock fully inside you

that small exquisite shuddering

breath held gasping

that small gag the stifled giggle

forcing you onto your back

sweating looking at the ceiling vacantly

completely somewhere else

returning slowly smiling

that embarrassed smile before you kiss me

and say “That…that was very special”

 

your direct way of speaking

exactly what you think when thought

the economy of your words

betrayed by the expanse of your smile

 

even when you leave me

you don’t go far and not for long

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