I
this is no rehearsal
away to safety in your mother’s wake
child’s gas mask
malevolent in its dun bag
to the neighbour’s cellar
two doors down
on the sounding of the alarm
coat over pyjamas
as planned in total darkness
and sullen silence
there to sit out the night
listening 1945
your father out on duty
as an air raid warden
this war senseless as the last
too young to join your brother in the fight
a target under the flightpath
to the steel works along the coast
someone incants
don’t fear the one you hear
it’s the one you don’t will kill you
the silence is unnerving the world shifts
time stops the flash
the juddering crash
then darkness dust a form of silence
punctuated by screams and the broken
wail of a broken siren
the ringing in your ears
climbing into the cold night
clothes shredded
as you are delivered from the remains
of the house
time resumes
with the sudden realisation
your mother is no longer there
the ringing in your ears
a lifelong tinnitus of grief
II
the ringing always there
like cicadas in summer
sound that hurts
you sit in the shade
of a Sydney summer
wheeled there in your hospital issue chair
delivered from the antiseptic smell
of bodies bumping up against their use by dates
our conversation avoids the fact
you are dying
concentrates on the mechanics of what passes
for your life these days
the insects the flies that flower
that sound reinforces
this is your last experience of this
the ringing the ringing is always there like pain
your faithful wife
attends to your every need
a sip of water and a wipe
her life has no meaning beyond you
such love on show
embarrasses me
then you conspire
to send her home to collect
some vital thing
she goes with a kiss
you kiss her back like Judas
as you close your eyes
intent on dying alone
shedding a tear for your mother
one last time